Marriage by Quran and Sunnah, Not Culture

Table of Contents

In Islam, marriage is an act of worship, not a show or business deal. It must follow the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ and the guidance of the Qur’an, not modern education systems, cultural dowry demands, caste, status, or tribal pride, these things are not from Islam. These are pagan traditions adopted by past generations and falsely mixed with Islamic teachings.

What Islam Commands:

Marriage based on (piety)
Simplicity, not extravagance
Dowry (mahr) as a gift from the groom, not demands from the bride’s family
Priority on (religion), not degrees or job status
Avoiding cultural practices copied from Hindus or the West

📖Quran 24:32
Marry off the singles among you… If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty…
Don’t delay marriage due to financial status. Trust in Allah.

📖Quran 30:21
And among His signs is that He created for you spouses… and He placed between you affection and mercy.
Marriage is for peace, not showing off.

📖Quran 4:25
Marry them with the permission of their family and give them their due mahr in kindness…
Mahr is a gift, not a reverse dowry.

📖Quran 2:235
Do not make a promise of marriage in secret, except saying a proper word. And do not resolve on the tie of marriage until the prescribed period is completed.

Marriage should be done publicly and properly, not through secret relationships or dating — which are haram in Islam and copied from the West, but,

The Prophet said:
“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another. – Sunan Ibn Majah 1847

Real love is not denied, it’s given a clean, respectful path: marriage, Secret texting, late-night calls, “halal flirting” all of that is just Shaytaan playing with your feelings, If two people really care, they marry, not delay, not hide, not play games, Waiting, too long or hiding it invites temptation, heartbreak, and regret.

⚠️ But here’s the condition:

If the person rejects God, that’s not love, that’s danger.
A person who denies the One who created them is already lost.
They enjoy life, health, and love, but show zero gratitude to the One who gave it. That’s not just ignorance, that’s selfishness in its raw form.
They will drink, lie, cheat, earn from haram, and sin freely, just to impress you.
And once their desire fades, they’ll treat you like trash.
Because if they can disobey God without fear, what makes you think they’ll stay loyal to you?
They’re not loving you, they’re inviting you to Hell.
A person who’s walking toward fire can only pull others into it. That’s not love. That’s destruction dressed as romance.

📖Quran 17:26-27
And do not spend wastefully. Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.

This applies to everything, including marriage, Stop burning money just to impress people who don’t care. If you’re so eager to spend, invite the poor, feed the needy, or send that money to families who can’t afford basic marriage expenses. That’s what Islam would bless, not your rented stage, filtered photos, or dance rituals, Wasteful weddings aren’t just useless, they’re a betrayal of Islam’s values, If you love your culture so much and can’t follow Islam’s guidance, just leave Islam and go play wedding games elsewhere. Don’t drag the name of Muslims or Islam into your selfish showoff rituals.

Hadith – What the Prophet ﷺ Taught:

📖Sahih Muslim 1466
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Women are married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty, and their religion. Choose the one who is religious – may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you be successful).”

📖Sunan Ibn Majah 1855
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best of the provisions of the world is a righteous woman.”

This highlights that while the world has many things to offer, the most valuable and lasting blessing is a pious, God-fearing spouse – not beauty, not wealth, but righteousness.

Today’s Marriage Standard: Money, Degrees, Beauty – Not Love, Deen, or Mercy

Today’s people look for:

💰 Money
🎓 Modern education (doctor, engineer)
💄 Beauty

But they forget the real purpose of marriage in Islam, love, mercy, and caring for each other, not just fulfilling selfish desires.

Some attraction to beauty is natural – it’s human nature. But turning marriage into a checklist of:

Is she rich?
Does she have a job?
Is she a doctor or engineer?
…is not Islamic.

This mindset is just selfishness disguised as standards, We strongly reject the idea that a woman must be:

Rich
Highly educated
Professionally working
…to be worthy of marriage.

That’s not from Islam, that’s from modern society’s shallow thinking. In Islam, a woman is valued for her faith, character, and modesty, not her income or degree.

⚠️ Beauty is Natural – But Don’t Worship It

Yes, it’s human nature to be attracted to beauty, that’s reality. But when beauty becomes everything, people ignore character, marry for looks, and divorce when looks fade. Islam doesn’t reject beauty, but the first and most important condition is religion. If a woman is not religious, then forget her wealth, degree, or job, none of that matters in Islam. However, if she has faith first, and also happens to be beautiful, educated, or wealthy, that’s fine, but it’s optional and up to the man, But today, many men act selfishly, they look for beauty first, then wealth and modern education, just so she can earn and help them live in comfort. They want a wife like an ATM, not a life partner. Why does a man need a rich or educated woman? To reduce his own responsibilities? That’s not a husband, that’s a lazy, selfish user. These kinds of men are not protectors or leaders. They’re not looking to build a family, they’re looking to build a business deal. They won’t sacrifice, they won’t guide, and they won’t love beyond convenience. When hard times come, they’ll break, because they never came for religion, they came for luxury. A man who marries for wealth or beauty but ignores Deen is already spiritually bankrupt, And if you still want to follow this cruelty, then fine. Just leave Islam out of it, Do whatever you want. But don’t call it Islamic, Don’t hide your pagan rituals under the name of Sunnah, Your culture is a disgrace to us and our religion.

Marry Her to a Pious Man

📖Sunan at-Tirmidhi 1084 (Hasan)
The Prophet ﷺ said: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter to him. If you do not, there will be trials in the land and widespread corruption.”

Explanation:
This Hadith is directed at the guardian of a woman. The Prophet ﷺ makes it clear:
Don’t look at wealth, fame, or job titles — but look at his:

Religion (Deen)
Good manners and character

Rejecting a righteous man because of worldly reasons leads to fitnah (chaos) and corruption in society — which is exactly what we see today.

📖Quran 4:34
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more strength than the other, and because they support them with their wealth.

a man must still be capable of providing. He is the (maintainer) in Islam. That means:

He should have a means of earning
He must provide food, shelter, and care
Education or a job is necessary only to fulfill this duty, not to impress, boast, or compete with others

📖Riyad as-Salihin 278
The Prophet ﷺ said: The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

This Hadith highlights that true righteousness in a man is seen in how he treats his wife – with mercy, respect, and justice. Not just public manners, but private character A man’s value in Islam isn’t in his money or looks, but in how he behaves when no one is watching – especially with the one he lives with.

His real value lies in good character, not luxury, looks, or status.

📖Sahih al-Bukhari 5087
A man came to marry a woman but had nothing. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Find even an iron ring.”
A marriage was accepted with just a tiny gift.

📖Sahih al-Bukhari 5087
When the man had nothing – not even an iron ring – the Prophet ﷺ asked: Do you know any portion of the Qur’an? He replied yes. The Prophet ﷺ said: Then I marry her to you for what you know of the Qur’an.”

The Prophet ﷺ showed how marriage in Islam is about faith, character, and commitment, not wealth, gold, or glamor. Even if a man had no money at all, marriage was made possible based on sincerity and knowledge of the Qur’an.

Reminder to modern society:

You reject good men because they don’t drive a car or wear a suit. You demand cash, gold, and ceremonies, all in the name of “culture.” Why it’s cruel: When a few rich families show off with their money, even if done “from the heart”, it silently creates a new standard, Maybe 10 people do it willingly. Then slowly, the whole society starts expecting it. Now the poor are forced to meet the same expectations, or face shame, rejection, and humiliation. Islam said: If you’re wealthy and want to give something, do it privately. Don’t turn generosity into a performance. Because your wedding Instagram story may become someone else’s family nightmare, So yes, your culture isn’t just un-Islamic. It’s cruel, Islam gave ease. You brought hardship, And then you wonder why people are scared to marry, And if you still want to follow this cruelty, then fine. Just leave Islam out of it, Do whatever you want. But don’t call it Islamic, Don’t hide your pagan rituals under the name of Sunnah, Your culture is a disgrace to us and our religion.

📖Mishkat al-Masabih 3097
A’isha reported: The Prophet ﷺ said, “The marriage which produces the most blessing is that which involves the least burden.”

Explanation:
Marriage in Islam is meant to be simple – not a financial war. The Prophet ﷺ clearly encouraged low-cost marriages. No lavish spending, no unnecessary customs, and definitely no pressure on the girl’s family.

What Islam says:

The only required payment is the Mahr (dowry) – and that is the husband’s responsibility
The girl’s side is not obliged to give money, gifts, or arrange big ceremonies
If families choose to spend from their own will and happiness, that’s fine – but it should never be forced or turned into a cultural demand

Reminder:
Showing off because you “have money” is not a virtue, it becomes a curse when it pressures others to suffer just to keep up. Your luxury becomes another family’s burden. This is how marriages are delayed, debts are created, and blessings are lost, So stop glamorizing wedding halls, designer dresses, and 10-layer cakes. Islam didn’t teach that, your insecure culture did, And if you still want to follow your cultural baggage instead, go ahead. But don’t bring your thousand-year-old pagan rituals into Islam and cry about the burden you created. Islam doesn’t need to be reformed, you do.

🛑 Not Everyone Who “Looks Religious” Is Truly Religious

Today, many men grow a beard 🧔 or women wear hijab 🧕 — but:

They lie, cheat, gossip, flirt, disrespect parents, chase dunya, love fame, etc.
Some use religion as a mask for arrogance or control
They pray in public, but backbite in private

The Prophet ﷺ warned about such people.

📖Sahih al-Bukhari 6058
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Among the worst people is the one with two faces: he comes to one group with one face, and to another group with another face.”

➡️ Fake religious behavior is hypocrisy – not Deen.

Anyone can:

Pray regularly but still cheat people
Post Islamic quotes but flirt in secret
Talk about “obedience” but disrespect women
Wear a beard or hijab but lie and gossip
Speak about trusting God but still chase haram income willingly
Stay silent when another Muslim does wrong – just to protect themselves

Real faith shows in your private actions – not just public image.

Worst of all, they stay silent when others sin openly: They’ll scroll past a brother watching porn, Say nothing if a girl is being harassed or raped, Ignore injustice, cheating, abuse, just to stay “safe” or “not get involved.” That’s not piety, that’s selfishness hiding behind a religious mask.

So How Do You Know Who’s Real?

They fear God when no one is watching
Not just when in the masjid, not just on Instagram. They fear doing wrong even in secret.
They don’t chase people – they chase purity
They won’t beg for haram relationships. If they love you, they want marriage, not chat.
They fight their own ego
They don’t justify wrong by emotions. If they slip, they repent fast – not defend sin.
They don’t get worse after marriage
A fake person behaves for a short time – after marriage, the mask drops. A real one stays consistent or even improves.

🧨 Warning Signs

They want you but ignore your religion
They speak good but act shady
They are nice until you say “No”
They get angry if you bring up God

📖Quran 49:14
The Bedouins say, “We have believed.” Say, “You have not [yet] believed; but say instead, ‘We have submitted,’ for faith has not yet entered your hearts.”

Islam is not on the face – it’s in the heart and actions, Don’t fall for the “Islamic look” – test character and sincerity

What Does “Religious” Mean?

📖Quran 2:177
Righteousness is not in turning your faces towards the east or the west. But true righteousness is in believing in Allah, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, and the Prophets; giving charity out of love for Him to relatives, orphans, the needy, travelers, beggars, and for freeing slaves; establishing prayer, paying zakah; keeping pledges; and being patient in suffering and hardship and during battle. It is they who are true in faith, and they are the righteous.

Allah defines true righteousness as faith plus character, not empty rituals, prayer alone doesn’t make someone righteous if their heart is corrupt or their actions go against Islam. The Qur’an and Hadith are very clear: real righteousness is more than rituals.

So woe to those who pray, but are heedless of their prayer – those who only show off. Quran 107:4-6
Based on Quran 107:4-6, prayer isn’t proof to know if someone is righteous, Many people pray just to show off – it’s personal, not public evidence, So don’t judge someone’s goodness just by how they pray

📖Quran 4:135
O you who believe! Stand firmly for justice as witnesses for Allah, even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or your relatives. Whether it is against the rich or the poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So do not follow desire, lest you deviate from justice.

True believers speak up for truth, even when it hurts them or their own people.

📖Sunan Ibn Majah 4007
Indeed, fear of people should not prevent a man from speaking the truth, if he knows it.”

📖Quran 3:104
Let there be a group among you who call to righteousness, enjoin what is right, and forbid what is wrong. It is they who will be successful.

Staying silent while evil is public is not piety – it’s cowardice. Islam teaches that truth must be spoken even against, Family, Friends, Religious figures, Ourselves

Do not marry a disbeliever

📖Quran 2:221
Do not marry polytheist women until they believe. A believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry (your women) to polytheist men until they believe. A believing slave man is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. They invite to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and forgiveness, by His permission.

Anyone who rejects the One who gave you life is not a lover – they’re a danger. They invite to Hell, not to happiness. No matter how good they look, they will lie, cheat, drink, disrespect boundaries, and pretend it’s all “love” – but once desire fades, so does their fake loyalty.

📖Quran 24:26
Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women.

If someone drinks, lies, flirts, cheats, watches filth, or lives by desire – they attract others like them. So don’t call it “love” when it’s just two people chasing sin, Allah matches people based on what’s in their hearts not what’s in their selfies.

This means:

A man who rejects God will lie to you and lie to himself.
He will drink for you, steal for you, touch you before marriage – and claim it’s love.
But when you’re no longer his pleasure, he will discard you without guilt.
That is not love. That is hell in disguise.A man who rejects God will lie to you and lie to himself, He will drink for you, steal for you, touch you before marriage, and claim it’s love, But when you’re no longer his pleasure, he will discard you without guilt, That is not love. That is hell in disguise. He may say: “I respect your religion, I won’t stop you from praying, But when children are born, who decides what they follow? You’ll teach them to pray, he’ll teach them it’s pointless, You’ll say God is One, he’ll say it’s just tradition, Your child will grow up watching two directions of worship, two truths, two gods, two holidays, Eventually, the child will say: “Both are right”, and end up praising both, But in Islam, praising another beside Allah is not respect. It’s shirk, This isn’t just about love, It’s about where love takes you, And if love takes your children to confusion, shirk, or Hell, Then that’s not love, That’s a trap dressed in emotions.

So ask yourself:
Why would you give your heart to someone who has already turned his back on his Creator? If he can reject God, he can easily betray you, Love doesn’t pull you away from truth, it leads you toward it.

Additional Information

This article was written with the intention to remind ourselves and others of the true Islamic values regarding marriage, character, and righteousness. We’ve done our best to base everything on the Qur’an, the authentic teachings of the Prophet ﷺ, and the understanding of the righteous scholars, However, we are not infallible – only Allah and His Messenger ﷺ are free from error. If you notice any mistakes, misinterpretations, or areas that need correction, please reach out and let us know. We welcome sincere advice, feedback, and corrections with an open heart. Let’s help each other return to the pure guidance of Islam – and leave behind the burdens of culture, ego, and worldly show-offs.