Husband and Wife’s Duty to In-Laws in Islam
In Islam, neither the wife nor the husband is obligated to serve each other’s family by force. There is no command in the Qur’an or Hadith that makes it compulsory for a wife to take care of her husband’s parents or siblings. However, Islam is not just about legal obligations, it is about love, kindness, and maintaining family ties.
The Qur’an emphasizes the rights of parents and teaches that one must be soft and respectful towards them:
Quranic Context:
📖Quran 17:23
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
This verse makes it clear that caring for one’s parents is a personal obligation, especially for the son. Therefore, a husband is responsible for his own parents, not his wife, But love changes everything. If a wife truly loves her husband, she may naturally want to support what he loves — including showing kindness to his family. The same goes for the husband. If he truly loves his wife, he will also show care and respect to her family.
Balance in Love:
Love in Islam is not just words, it’s action. When a woman marries a man, she marries into his life, and his life includes his family. If she loves him, she will likely try to be kind to his family. That does not mean she is forced to serve them, rather, it’s a voluntary act of love and harmony.
📖Sahih al-Bukhari 15
Narrated Anas: The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
“None of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father, his children and all mankind.”
Loving the Prophet ﷺ means following his teachings, and he taught us to maintain good relations, to be merciful, and to live in harmony.
The Man’s Duty:
Islam commands men to provide and maintain their households. He is responsible for his parents and siblings if needed. But he cannot expect his wife to take over this role unless she volunteers out of kindness. Islam does not allow men to force their wives to serve their parents.:
📖Quran 4:34
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…
This verse shows that the man is in charge of financial and social responsibility, including care for his family.
When Love Is Missing:
If a wife refuses to even respect what her husband loves (like his parents), it may lead to conflict. Likewise, if a husband doesn’t respect what his wife loves (like her family), it also creates imbalance. So, Islam encourages mutual love, respect, and kindness — not commands and force.
What We Learn:
- A wife is not religiously obligated to serve her in-laws.
- A husband must care for his own parents.
- Marriage in Islam is based on mutual love and mercy, not duties forced by culture.
- Love for one’s spouse includes love and kindness toward what they care about.
- Family unity in Islam is preserved by choice, compassion, and wisdom.
❤️ Why Doing It from Love Is Better
While it’s not required, helping and being kind to in-laws can:
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Strengthen marriage bonds.
A wife who supports what her husband loves (like his parents) builds emotional trust.
A husband who respects his wife’s family wins her heart deeper. -
Prevent family conflicts.
Most fights in marriage come when someone says: “They are your family, not mine.” But Islam encourages unity, not division.📖Quran 49:10
“The believers are but brothers, so make peace between your brothers.” -
Teach children by example.
If children see mutual love between in-laws, they learn respect for elders and harmony in relationships. -
Earn reward from Allah.
Even if it’s not an obligation, every act of kindness for the sake of Allah becomes an act of worship.📖Tirmidhi 1930
“Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens on the Day of Judgment.”
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Marriage is Unity, Not Transaction:
Marriage in Islam is built on (love) and (mercy). If either spouse refuses to acknowledge the other’s family out of arrogance or ego, the heart of the marriage dies.📖Quran 30:21
“And He placed between you affection and mercy.” -
It’s About What You Choose, Not What You’re Forced To Do:
Doing something out of obligation feels heavy. Doing it out of love becomes beautiful and earns reward.📖Sahih al-Bukhari 13
“None of you will truly believe until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
If you love to see your own family respected, then you should offer the same to your spouse. -
Family Is a Lifelong Bond:
A person’s parents, siblings, and relatives remain connected for life. If a spouse constantly rejects those connections, it weakens the relationship itself. -
Marriage is a Partnership
Islam does not teach selfishness. If a spouse says “That’s your problem, not mine,” it shows weak commitment. But if someone says, “Because I love you, I will care for what matters to you,” it shows sincerity. -
Men Have Bigger External Responsibilities
Islam obligates men to provide, earn, protect, and spend for the family. That includes food, shelter, shopping, and day-to-day financial care.📖Quran 4:34
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given them more (strength) and because they support them from their wealth.”Because of these burdens, a man may not be able to equally support his wife’s family like a woman might support his and Islam understands this difference.
- Maintaining Family Ties
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📖Quran 47:22
So would you perhaps, if you denied [the Prophet], act corruptly in the land and sever your ties of kinship?This verse highlights the sinfulness of severing ties with family, stressing that maintaining these ties is crucial in Islam, even with distant relatives and in-laws.
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Do Good to Relatives
📖Quran 2:177
It is not righteousness that you turn your faces towards the East or the West, but righteousness is in one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the angels, the Book, and the prophets; and gives his money, despite love for it, to relatives, orphans, the needy, the traveler, those who ask [for help], and for freeing slaves.This verse emphasizes that part of righteousness is helping and giving to relatives, showing the importance of supporting family members as part of good deeds.
Comparison with the Bible and Potential Negative Aspects
Interestingly, this principle mirrors teachings in the Bible as well. Just as in Islam, love for one’s spouse in Christianity is tied to serving and caring for each other selflessly:
Bible (Matthew 19:5)
“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This verse indicates that love is central to a union, and actions (like supporting each other’s families) should flow naturally from this love.
However, this teaching can also be interpreted as encouraging selfishness, particularly when it instructs a man to “leave his father and mother.” While it emphasizes the importance of the marital bond, it suggests that once a man marries, he is to shift his focus entirely to his wife and household. This can imply that the family unit should be prioritized over caring for aging or dependent parents, which could lead to neglect of elderly family members, Logically, this approach is problematic because it places the marital relationship above the responsibility toward one’s parents. While the marital relationship is crucial, parents, especially as they grow older, need care and support. If a man or woman focuses solely on their spouse and refuses to care for their elderly parents, it can lead to emotional and physical neglect. The elderly are vulnerable, and failing to support them could harm their well-being, leading to feelings of isolation, abandonment, or even financial hardship, if not properly provided for, Additionally, it’s important to understand that Matthew 19:5 can be interpreted as being specifically addressed to the children of Israel (the tribe of Jacob), during the time of Jesus. This was part of the context in which Jesus was speaking to the Jewish people, and the teachings were intended for them, at a time when their social and cultural norms were different. Jesus’ mission was primarily directed towards the tribe of Israel, and his message was meant to address their unique situation at that time. As mentioned in the Bible:
Matthew 15:24: Jesus said: “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”
Therefore, this command to “leave father and mother” may have been specifically relevant to the children of Israel in their historical context, particularly as Jesus was calling them to a higher spiritual commitment, leaving behind some of the old societal norms. This verse does not necessarily imply a universal, long-lasting rule for all people, but instead could be seen as part of a larger message for a specific time and people, In contrast, Islam encourages a balanced approach. Parents are given immense respect and care in the Qur’an. The duty to care for one’s parents is emphasized strongly, especially as they age. Islam teaches that a person’s love for their spouse should not come at the expense of their parents’ well-being. This prevents a situation where a person prioritizes their own comfort or desires while neglecting their familial duties. By maintaining both the marital relationship and the duty to parents, Islam upholds a more holistic, compassionate approach to family life that ensures the well-being of all members, This selfishness in focusing only on the marital relationship, at the expense of the family, is a potential flaw in such teachings because it may lead to neglect of those who have cared for us our entire lives, our parents. In Islam, however, this balance is maintained, ensuring that no one is left behind in the pursuit of personal happiness or marital fulfillment.
Final Advice Before Marriage
Before marrying, it is highly recommended to find a spouse who understands and accepts these values: Someone who is willing to support what you love, not just serve their own interests, A husband who will treat his wife’s family with respect, even if not obligated, A wife who will support her husband’s responsibilities by showing kindness to what he cares about, Marriage is not a contract of force, it is a test of sincerity. If someone says, “I’ll help your family not because I must, but because I love you,” then you have found someone who truly understands Islamic character, It is important to note that it is not obligatory to do something if someone does not do it, whether it is something the wife loves or something the husband loves. It shows selfishness, and while they have the right to be selfish and act based on their own desires, it is not necessary to force someone to do something. If someone does not do something, there is no reference in Islam that requires forcing them to do it. Rather, it is up to Allah to judge them based on their actions. Also, there are many reasons a person may not be able to do something. That’s why, before marriage, it is important to make these things clear.
Additional Information
In Islam, neither a husband nor a wife is religiously obligated to serve or care for the other’s family, but maintaining good relations and showing kindness is strongly encouraged as an expression of love, mercy, and sincerity in marriage. While the husband is responsible for the welfare of his own parents and the wife for her own, voluntarily supporting each other’s families strengthens emotional bonds, prevents conflicts, and sets a positive example for children. Acts of love and compassion toward in-laws are not just social niceties, they are rewarded by Allah, and they reflect the true spirit of marriage as a partnership based on mutual respect, care, and mercy. Islam emphasizes a balanced approach: honoring one’s parents while nurturing marital love ensures that both family ties and marital bonds are preserved, preventing selfishness or neglect. Ultimately, marriage in Islam is not a contract of obligation but a test of sincerity, where voluntary acts of kindness toward a spouse’s loved ones demonstrate true faith, character, and commitment.