Looking at Your Future Spouse

📖Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1085
Al-Mughirah ibn Shu’bah reported: He proposed to a woman in marriage and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Look at her, for it is the best way to make lasting affection between you.”

• This hadith refers specifically to a prospective spouse. The Prophet ﷺ allowed a man to look at the woman he intends to marry to ensure compatibility and build lasting affection.

• Islamic guidelines:

  1. Outside the context of marriage, men are not permitted to freely look at women.

  2. Looking is allowed only when necessary, such as during the marriage process or under circumstances where there is no temptation.

  3. After marriage, looking at one’s spouse is allowed and encouraged as a means of affection, love, and strengthening the bond.

• Scientific and medical perspective:

  • Looking at women inappropriately can trigger sexual thoughts, hormonal responses, and desires that may lead to sin.

  • Studies show that visual stimuli can stimulate the brain’s reward system, potentially leading to negative habits or distractions if not controlled.

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Quranic Context

📖Quran 24:30-31
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts; that is purer for them.
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts…

These verses instruct both men and women to avoid looking at the opposite sex unnecessarily, maintaining modesty and protecting society from lustful thoughts.

Why Modesty Matters

• It protects others: Lowering the gaze shows respect for women, preventing them from becoming objects of unwanted attention. It’s about honoring their dignity.
• It protects oneself: Uncontrolled looking can trigger sexual thoughts, desires, and habits that may lead to sin. Modesty helps a person maintain self-control.
• It prevents social harm: When everyone follows this guideline, it reduces harassment, lustful behavior, and tension in society.
• It is a form of worship: Obeying Allah’s command to lower the gaze and dress modestly is not a restriction—it’s an act of obedience and self-discipline, pleasing to Allah.

1. Subjective reward value of visual sexual stimuli is coded in human brain activity
   This study found that visual sexual stimuli activate brain regions associated with reward processing, such as the nucleus accumbens and ventral striatum. These areas are involved in evaluating the attractiveness and desirability of sexual images.

   Subjective reward value of visual sexual stimuli is coded in human striatum and orbitofrontal cortex

2. Brain’s response to sexual images linked to number of sexual partners
   Research from UCLA indicates that individuals who have had more sexual partners exhibit stronger brain responses to sexual images. This suggests that repeated exposure to such stimuli can enhance neural sensitivity to sexual cues.

   Brain’s response to sexual images

3. “Visual Sexual Stimuli – Cue or Reward?
   This article discusses how visual sexual stimuli (VSS) can serve as cues that trigger sexual arousal and desire. It highlights the role of brain regions like the amygdala and hypothalamus in processing these stimuli.

   Visual Sexual Stimuli—Cue or Reward?

4. Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli”
   A study examining sex differences in brain responses found that men show greater activation in the amygdala when viewing sexually arousing images, indicating a heightened emotional and sexual response to such stimuli

   Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli

5. “Brain Imaging of Human Sexual Response: Recent Developments”
   This review summarizes advancements in understanding how the brain responds to sexual stimuli. It discusses how exposure to sexual images can activate brain networks involved in motivation, arousal, and reward.

   Brain Imaging of Human Sexual Response: Recent Developments and Future Directions

These studies provide evidence that visual exposure to individuals of the opposite sex can activate brain regions associated with sexual arousal and desire. Therefore, Islam’s guidelines on modesty and controlling one’s gaze aim to prevent such stimuli from leading to inappropriate thoughts and behaviors.